My girlfriend refuses to trim herself in her bathing suit area. I have tried to drop small hints as to what is my preference and have done everything short of coming straight out and saying that I am grossed out by this. What should I do?
,Grooming Issues
Grooming Issues,
I've seen a lot of this problem lately especially amongst mid town bar sluts and art students. It seems to be some sort of retro fad. You know, there's a reason why you never hear much about people having crabs nowadays...it's because most people are considerate of others when it comes to the "bathing suit area" as you so eloquently put it. What, are you in third fucking grade or something?
Your girlfriend is a selfish bitch and she's trying to push you away. That shit is inconsiderate as fuck and I think your days in that relationship are numbered. No one likes going down on a gorilla salad and everyone knows it. I only know one person that likes 70's bush and it's strictly because he grew up raiding his dad's old VHS porn tapes. Anyone else who likes Joni Mitchell bush is a sick beast and should have rocks thrown at them. I bet she's a selfish lover isn't she? I bet it's lights out, under the covers, through a hole in the sheet kind of sex isn't it? I mean, I fucking trim MY shit for chrissakes and I'm a man! We're supposed to be hairy. But I'm considerate. I don't want to gag on a pube as much as the next person. That shit collects sweat....smells weird and causes "pussleberries".
I say, dump her and find something you can bury your face in.
Grooming Issues,
Pubic hair evolved for a specific reason. It is there to trap the pheromones our bodies naturally produce. You see, back in the day when our ancestors were running around throwing crap at each other the only way that one could tell another was down for some naked time was pheromones. The pubes broadcasted that message over the air waves and let prospective mates know you were "in the mood." However, this is 2011, you could just tell me to my face or take your shirt off. A little grooming is appreciated but not totally necessary. If my lady wants to shave her legs or whatever it is appreciated but at the end of the day I am just happy she is willing to share a bed with me and not run to hills after she walks into the bathroom where I have just taken the mother of all dumps. If it really is out of control down there then it says a person doesn't care about the presentation of their most naughty of parts but most likely it's just what is supposed to go on down there. Here is a true story, as you get older your shit falls apart. Your nipples get huge, your face gets wrinkly, and your body gets gross. While sex and sexiness is important, in the long run it does not hold up. It is more important to obsess over other, more important aspects of a relationship. Like why, for the love of God, would you leave two triscuits in the box. Two triscuits is not enough triscuit to satisfy my hunger. Why didn't you just finish the goddamn box? You were so stuffed that two fucking crackers just wouldn't couldn't go down? Then, I go to the pantry with dreams of crackery goodness in my head only to find that there is barely a cock-tease of cracker in there. What the hell. Now my day is ruined and I am not going to fix that leak in the garage because I want your Saturday to be as miserable as my crackerless Saturday has been. And for that matter, why did we have to name the dog "Mr. Wiggle Pants?" I am the asshole that has to stand out in the freezing rain yelling "Mr. Wiggle Pants, make your doodies" at three in the morning. I didn't even want a stupid puggle. You know what, the next time you go play canasta with your stupid, giggly friends I am going to kick the shit out of this stupid excuse for an animal. I am going to fuck his shit up. So, in summary, get a hobby. That will help you get over your stupid, useless problem. I suggest fishing or getting over it.
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