b-b-b-b-b-b-balls.

Dear Love Translators, 
                 Why don't chicks pay enough attention to dude's balls? 
                                                                             Unappreciated Sack.




       Really? This is what you are worried about? Your balls? That is just precious. Everyone likes to have the "stepchildren" licked and loved a little but at the end of the day they are the supporting cast and not the main event. I assume that you have no problems getting the ladies to touch your wienis so what's the big deal. You are getting cock-play but no live action to the balls? That does not sound like a problem to me. It's like when you are at a restaurant and they don't put enough salt on your mashed potatoes. Do you flip out and start complaining? No, you put salt on them and enjoy. Have you thought about grabbing your own balls and giving them a little shake? Next time you are getting blown just reach down, grab your nuts, and give em a little shake-a-shake-a. Maybe the lady will take it as a hint and grab away.
       To be honest though ball play is overrated. The other day I sat down awkwardly and barely brushed my nuts the wrong way and thought I had been hit by a train. If water from the shower hits your nuts the wrong way then it can fuck you up and that's just water. Knowing how delicate the boys are then do you really want some one yanking on them? The dick is a tough bastard. You can tug on it, slap it around, chew on it occasionally, and basically attack it but the balls are fragile. They are little baby birds that must be nurtured are kept safe, the future lives in there after all. Women are used to beating the shit out of penis and they tend to translate that mentality to balls so it's best to avoid it.
       But lets look at this from a woman's perspective. Balls are gross. A hairy flesh sack hanging really close to your asshole that stink and sort of look like an alien brain. You expect some one to put that in their mouth? It's bad enough to put something as ugly as a dick in your mouth but you can't expect them to jump into ball world as well. Guys bodies are gross. Even dudes that are super in shape. We are just gross. All hairy and shit dangling every where. Bleh. And balls are the worst of the grossness that is dude. Dudes can get zits on their balls. Did you know that? A hairy bag with two ultra sensitive oyster things in them that smell like sweaty doo-doo and now throw in zits. Don't you want to hum old man river on that?
        The real shit here is that what does it matter. Attention is being paid to your love-stick so what's the problem. You sound like one of those little fuckers that gets tons of shit for Christmas and still bitches when the presents are gone. The kind of asshole that just expects people to drop what ever they are doing and help you with whatever dumbfuck problem you are having. Instead of worrying about your balls why don't you meditate on the fact that someone is playing with your privates to begin with?

I would like to politely disagree with my colleague. For me, the balls are and integral part of the well oiled machine that is my lovin and I agree that women need to be more educated on the subject. With as many Cosmo articles as there are with titles like "10 secrets to driving your man wild in bed", you'd think these things wouldn't go so neglected, but alas they do. I understand that balls are gross. Sweaty, wrinkly, shtinky things that they are, but sexy time is not always pretty. I mean, when I was a teenager I had a vagina calendar. Every month was a huge closeup of a vagina. Taken out of the context of the rest of a woman's body, the vagango is not always the most pleasant thing to look at, or smell sometimes for that matter, but that doesn't stop me from writing out the Gettysburg address with the tip of my tounge on many a clit every chance that I get.
   The thing is, balls are very nervous. They are constanly succeptable to the crueltys of this world with little defense. That's why when they are gently held, they feel safe. Not, squeezed mind you, but they just want to be nurtured and told that everything's gonna be ok. Something about having my balls held turn me on like no other. It's just as hot as a finger in the ass. I usually tell my lovers if they're ready for me to be finished, just grab a hold of the balls. It's magic time, then.
   The real problem here is why you don't have enough metaphorical balls to just ask someone to play with your real ones? I personally love to find out what gets someone hot in bed. People will very rarely be disappointed with a little direction. I have never gotten bummed out when a woman said: "can you put that here?" or "can you lick me here, like this?" In fact, I've kinda got half a staff just thinking about those times. The bottom line is: We developed this sophisticated language specifically so we could communicate to each other how best to manipulate one another's naughty parts. Use it. You're not a caveman. You can do more than just point at your twig and berries and grunt.