It's sort of a long term plan but men everywhere met up on golf courses and at Masonic meetings and decided on a plan to drive down women's self esteems en masse. We all decided that we would get your numbers and then never call, hoping that you'll be sitting at home crying and eating an entire french silk pie by yourself. Our operatives in the fashion industry have planted all those waif like, heroin chic models just to fuck with y'all. We actually like curves, but we want to knock y'all down a few notches collectively. You're much easier to control when you're always trying to win our approval. but we will never approve.
Real answer? I don't fucking know. Maybe you're a hideous loser. Maybe your vagina smells like the belly of a slave ship. Probably not because they eventually call late at night, but maybe they have to down an entire bottle of scotch to want fuck a land beast like yourself. I'm just speculating. Maybe you're smoking hot. I'll tell you why I personally don't ask girls out anymore.
1. The creepy factor- I've discussed this before. Every man that approaches a woman nowadays is being "creepy", so we just gave the fuck up. Oh, sorry I just made 1.5 seconds of eye contact because I think you're pretty. Can you stop blowing that rape whistle please? For a while I tried the neutral approach. Because all I ever heard was girls talk about guys creeping on them, I would give a girl my number. You can call me if you want, if not, it's cool. That way there's no pressure. If you're not interested, no sweat. Well apparently women also want to be pursued. Well, make up your fucking minds. I can't keep up anymore. That approach also never worked because most women refuse to be proactive about anything. I've watched too many of my girlfriends with their eye on a dude across the bar, but they won't go talk to the dude. They'd rather just sit there all night and wish that he'd come over but He's at the opposite end of the bar afraid to look at you for fear of being called a creep.
2. The wrong number- I've had so many women that I approached hand me a wrong number, or if it really is their number they never answer or call back. This is so common, it fucking sucks. Hey I got a great idea. How about saying "no". Oh, I forgot, that one syllable is too much effort for Ms. Princess to form her lips around. It might cause her a few seconds of discomfort. Avoid honesty at all costs. I'll give him my number and he'll quit calling after the 35th time. I made a rule for myself years ago. The "one call/ one text" rule. If I call you or text you one time and you don't call back, it's over. I'm not going to pursue your fucking ass. who the fuck do you think you are? is your vagina the holy grail? I think it's probably more like the whorey petri dish of disgust.
3. Tremendous effort- women always complain about how much they have to put in to themselves for us to like you. Bullshit, you're a victim of a real conspiracy by the make up/ fashion/ diet food/ exercise equipment industries. You didn't have to spend all that money on that dress, make up, jewelry and those thong underwear. We'd actually prefer you in our old Iron Maiden t shirt and a pair of white cotton panties. A woman could walk out of her house wearing a burlap sack and snap her fingers and have 10 guys easily willing to give you a stiff dicking within 100 feet of your house. It's actually a lot harder for us men to win your approval.
We have to have a career, we have to smell good, we have to have at least one article of clothing that doesn't have fucking paint on it, we have to be funny. There's a million other hoops we have to jump through every day for y'all just to bestow some pussy on us. That's why men got so aggressive in the first place. It is a constant struggle for us to get laid while y'all have to fight off dicks at every turn.
Why don't you do a man a favor and ask him out. Turn the whole fucking tables around. We would appreciate it. We're tired of having to work so hard to feel appreciated. And when we call you late at night? It's because we were busting our asses all day trying to make something of ourselves so that you might consider fucking me and I had to get really drunk to have the courage to call you. Why is this so wrong? What, did you want to hang out during the day or something? Really, what are you even complaining about. If I could skip the awkward dinner, save the money I was gonna spend going out and just do my thing all day, and then at the end of the day have someone come over and fuck me and then leave I would be happier than a puppy with two peters. But I guess I'm one of the few humans that are sane, rational, self confident and not desperate. I think you should kill yourself. remember to hold the gun at a 35 degree angle.
God titty fucking skunk raping lawn munching dammit. I hate questions like this almost as much as I hate stinging insects and men that cry. "Why don't guys ask anyone out anymore" (said in a stupid, uncreative, whiny bitch voice)? Here's a thought: who gives a fuck. Some things stop for a reason. When was the last time you saw some one with a pager? Long time right? That's because they are useless. Asking for a girls number is like sticking your dick in a beehive. Maybe one in a million times you will stick it in and find only warm, sticky, honey all over your balls but every other 999,999 times an army of pissed of bees will sting your dick back to 1983. Most people are stupid but almost everyone only has to put their hand in a fire once before they realize it's hot. My gut and experience tells me that guys stopped asking for your number personally because you are a velociraptor. The short answer to your question is simple. Guys don't ask girls out because it sucks. I have said it before that when you are trying to sell yourself and no one is buying it is a horrible, humiliating experience. Getting up the courage to ask for some one's number is miserable. It is much easier to wait until you are drunk, strike up some completely bogus conversation concerning how we rescue pandas or some shit, and then ball your brains out. If we wake up in the morning and don't want to stick a steak knife in our eyeballs then asking for your number is much easier. After you have seen where another person pees getting their number is much less intimidating. You wouldn't buy a car with out driving it right?
The more accurate answer is that guys stopped asking girls out because girls starting putting out immediately. I very good friend of mine and I had a conversation once about girls that will fuck you after meeting you for five hours. It is gross. It is appreciated. It will never lead to a relationship. We agreed that it is relationship suicide to fuck on the first date. Guys like to chase. Name a sport where people sit in one spot and shit just falls in their lap. The new "what's your number" is a guy trying to fuck you at a bar. I am sorry but times change. If you go and fuck him then you get a big fist bump from me but you failed the prospective partner test. The next time you are out and some dude is putting it on don't fuck him. He will get all confused and say "what the fuck is up with this chick, why won't she fuck me? Is her vagina made of hope and wishes and unicorn dreams and backrub juice? This woman is a mystery that I must solve." Then there is an actual chance for 1950's-esque dating to occur. If you keep spreading open like the red sea then you can't bitch about dudes not asking you out. There is no need, you gave up the cap too quick. That screams to every dude that breathes air that this wasn't your first rodeo and no dude wants to date the town's mechanical flesh bull.
What really worries me is how did a velociraptor survive the extinction of the rest of the dinosaurs? I mean, the impact that happened in the Yucatan around 65 million years ago contributed to the death of the larger reptilian creatures on the Earth and the combined effects of the massive Indian Plateau eruptions and a series of glacial periods helped kill the rest yet you survived. I thought most velociraptors that survived evolved into birds yet you stayed a lizard. How does that work. You those big-ass claws on your feet cause problems? Like, do you stub them on shit or rip pants when you put them on? And what's deal with other dinosaurs? Could they all ask stupid questions and come off as superficial cunts? Could they all waste a good thirty minutes of life that I could have spent fucking a beehive? Who would have thought that the last surviving dinosaur on the Earth turned out to be an annoying moron? Neat.
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