I disagree...there is NOT a direct correlation between how good a woman gives head and her level of insanity...just saying...believe what you want, but that is NOT TRUE...(Online Dating?, March)
Well, what are you saying? Obviously I offended you personally, or you have some sort of knowledge that I don't. Either you are shithouse crazy and suck at giving head (pun intended) or you gobble cock like a porn star and are totally sane. I agree that all crazy girls don't give good head. My last girlfriend, the one that broke up with me because she said that Jesus told her to, she was no good at it. What I'm saying is that all girls that give good head are crazy. The girl that I was referring to in that blog, her whole face would turn into a vagina. It was magical. Maybe there's something in semen that causes insanity or maybe it just takes a nutjob (pun intended) to enjoy getting fucked in the face, but I stick to my point. Give me a list of all your ex boyfriends and I'll take a survey. Or maybe I can find the names of your entire high school basketball team. They should know. I'll actually surmise by your response that you give amazing head, because truly crazy people don't know they are crazy.
I don't recall asking for your opinion on this or any other matter we discuss here. It's not called "The Love Translators and a bunch of trollops" is it? What you are referring to is the "Freidrickson-Chou equation." Basically, Henrik Friedricksion, a German physicist and noted cocksmith, with the help of a prostitute from Siagon named Li Chou formulated this theory. What he did was kidnap (I don't know if that's the right word considering he did buy her fair and square, whatever) said prostitute and lock her in a basement. He played "Disco Duck" non-stop for eight years while once a week allowing to her to perform fellatio on him in exchange for food and a 10 minute break from the music. He found that as she gradually fell into complete and total insanity the blow jobs got exponentially more awesome. So eat shit, that was science.Love Translators,
You said that kids are the worst STD known to man? (Mr. Pathetic, January) I have kids and I don't think of them that way. Were you both unloved as a child?
I was just making jokes. children are wonderful bundles of love and joy. Hey, you know all that shit I love about life? Quiet, women's bodies, free time, playing music, money, ability to make selfish life choices....all that shit goes right out the window with kids. And it's never the man's fault! Everyone knows it's a scientific fact that all men are unable to resist the words "leave it in there", "fill me up, baby" and "you're cleared for landing". It's entrapment I tell you. We hear those words and we are unable to put our load in it's rightful place which is all over your boobies. Then we spend the next 18 years thinking about our dreams that will never come true. The only joy we have after that is being part of the conspiracy of parents where they tell all the single people with rad lives how amazing having kids is. And the cycle is completed. But i see right through your bullshit. Get your fucking kid away from me. People with kids should be forced to go live on a remote island away from the rest of us.I like kids. Hell, kids are rad. The wipe snot all over stuff, they accidentally say "funny" things that if an adult said you would punch him in the stomach, and best off all they can mow the yard. Specifically we were referring to your child. Just yours. That ugly little maggot that wrecked you hooter is a little fucking antichrist. When someone says "what a cute baby" they are just trying to spare your feelings. Your child sucks. Everything about it sucks. I have my fingers crossed right now that the little fuck has progeria and it just hasn't been diagnosed yet. That would explain why your child looks like a fucking zombie-alien-donkey hybrid. Also, your kid is an idiot. He has "person who cleans the toilets at KFC" written all over his (or her) face. Your DNA is toxic and stupid. Fuck you for breeding, the last thing the world needs is more shit-heads that think throwing a bottle in a storm drain means it disappears. So, for the most part, I love every child on the face of the Earth except the little bastard that is half yours. Dick.Love Translators,
This shit is so stupid and offensive. It pisses me the fuck off. Fuck you guys.-
-Drunk girl at bar
Drunk girl,
There's this new invention. It's called jokes. It sorta makes things more fun to laugh about stuff. Maybe after all the serious, morose bullshit we have to deal with day after day I should thoughtfully write out my feelings on the serious issues affecting us today. How about the tsunami, Libya, the economy, the corporatization of America. Oh all that sounds fun as shit! whoop de fucking doo. Let's all be very fucking serious. No smiling, no laughing. We all have to go live at the Decleyre co-op and be PC vegan non offensive carebears. Or how about a little satire? Of course this is not what we're really fucking like! Do you think I would have any friends or family that gave a shit about me if I really believed anything I wrote? You know, one day I was thinking about all the relationship problems everyone I know was going through and I thought, "there's comedy in there". You want my real honest to God relationship advice, once and for all for the everlasting motherfucking record? Stop giving a shit! Stop trying! Stop trying out relationships like you try on jeans at target. Learn to like your fucking self first. Be totally fucking self centered. Learn to like your body by taking care of yourself and getting in shape. Fulfill all the stupid little dreams you ever had. Get a hobby. Make it to where you never have time to date because you are constantly trying to live the most bad ass life you can imagine. And then? boom, all the sudden people will be attracted to you. they will want to fuck the shit out of you. they will send you text videos of themselves masturbating. And why? because everyone is attracted to people that are healthy, self confidant and have a sense of self worth. Insecurity is gross. People that jump in to relationships to fill a void in their sad little souls are gross and should have rocks thrown at them. You don't fucking love anybody because you can't stand your fucking self, and if you can't how the fuck are we supposed to? Get the fuck out of my face, I've got shit to do I ain't got time for you bitches....wait, what's that sound I hear as I lie down on my bed? Nothing! I don't hear anyone telling me about their opinions and problems! My life is so rad. I'm going to give my dick a high five about 100 times and then clean up with a sock. Sure beats having to talk to you....Certain things we do could be considered offensive if you are a total fuck-head. You are what is wrong with America. Example: people blaming their bastard child lighting the trailer on fire because of Bevis and Butthead. We do not force our super-awesome wisdom and knowledge on anyone. Hell, we give this shit away for free. This is the most valuable thing anyone will ever give you in the dumpster fire you call a life. If you don't like the free advice we give out turn off your computer and go on with your life. If you don't like it, you don't have to read it. It's like the time I went to the video booth at the porn store on Summer. There are 800 or so channels. It starts off at "1" like this. Handjobs then blowjobs then sex then anal then multiple folks fuckin then orgy stuff then, out of nowhere, a guy shoving a spray paint can up another guys ass. That was at about channel 32. From there it got progressively worse. Midgets, ball torture, etc. So you know what I did, I left the booth. Walked away and said "Not for me." That's it. I didn't write an impassioned editorial in the Flyer saying "I wan't to jack off to some good ol' clean American porn and then there's this guy blowing a Grizzly Bear. It ruined my boner and lost me five dollars. Harumph I say, Harumph!!!" Why, because I am a logical human being. When a television show like American Idol comes on I don't suffer through it in rage and disgust, I change the goddamn channel. Assuming you have both of your hands and >30% of your brain then you can also use this approach to not read or view things that offend you. Don't read this, I don't care. Also, who gets offended any more. Isn't that what people do when they don't have real problems? I gave up getting offended with zines and veganism. Basically I grew up and realized that if some one has an opinion that is different from mine they are just stupid and wrong because everything I believe, say, or do is right-the-fuck-on. But, am I going to let a chick with armpit hair ruin my day? Nope. Fuck that chick. I'm just going to enjoy a Hot Pocket and drug the hippy and shave her gross pits while she sleeps and debate touching her a little bit. So, if you want to get offended move to Olympia with all the other PC nazis. I would like to conclude by quoting one of the greatest bands of the 1990's, E.B.S, or "every body sucks." "Fuck off you p.c. bastards, fuck you and your hippy shit." If you finished reading this entire post then it's your fault, you could have turned it off. The buttons up there in the right corner. Just click it. Remember kids, it's all in fun.
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