I recently went out on a blind date with an ex-military guy who apparently has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder issues....I'm physically attracted to him, but afraid to get involved because of it. Am I just being insensitive?
Dear Insensitive America hating cunt rag,
Why do you hate America so much? This poor guy goes to fight for your freedom wherever there's trouble and you won't even do your goddamn patriotic duty to give him a little slice of your apple pie? You selfish bitch. Next time you drive to Jack Pirtles for a foot long chili cheese dog and some chicken livers in gravy, listening to Lady Ga Ga and tweeting on your stupid Iphone 4 think about who sacrificed so that you could have the right to be such a stupid bitch. When our grandfathers were giving the krauts and Japs a run for their money our grandmothers waited for them to get off the boat on their knees and fellated them as soon as they got on American soil to show our gratitude as a nation. Yep, our grandmothers were right there waiting to interrogate Herman the one eyed German. You couldn't give our grandmothers enough of that hard Jap killin cock. That's why there was a baby boom. And when my dad got back from Vietnam killin all those Chinamen? My mom was right there ready. I mean, the least you could've done was give him an old fashioned under the table at the restaurant, but you're probably more attracted to French guys named Pierre who wear turtlenecks and berets and shit who will surrender to your pussy instead of real men like G.I. Joe there who would launch a full fledged attack on your pussy. You're the reason why men aren't men anymore. Real men go overseas and kill foreigners for whatever goddamn reason Uncle Sam tells them to and women used to think that was hot. My fuckin dad wore Charlie's guts around his neck and took pictures to send them back to my mom so she could flick the bean. My dad also had to survive off eating the corn kernals out of human feces in a POW camp while his friends got skinned alive. That's a real man for ya. Chicks don't appreciate manliness anymore. You're the reason all men will eventually look like Justin Bieber.
This is an easy problem to fix. What is the most likely scenario is that your man is not suffering from PTSD. He is probably suffering from a very similar syndrome called DUCS or dating a useless cunt syndrome. The symptoms are remarkably similar. Does is jump at the sound of loud noises? That is because his mind has been warped by listening to you constantly bitch about the fact that he does not make enough money. When flashes of bright light get in his eyes does he duck and cover? That isn't from prolonged artillery bombardment, it is from you turning the light on during sex and he thinks that he has accidentally killed an endangered African rhino with his dick, that would make anyone jumpy. Considering that you have only been on a blind date shows me that this man is a psychic. Your cunty aura is so powerful that he can sense the future nightmare of a relationship with a crazed donkey cooze such as yourself. I honestly think you are close to the most useless human being I have ever had the displeasure of advising. If this poor guy does have PTSD then that just means he is a fucking badass. All the crazy shit that happened around this dude and he lived through it. Think about the opening scene from Saving Private Ryan. Now imagine yourself actually being there instead of on your couch gaining weight while you shove mound after mound of bon-bons in your cavernous maw while your toy poodle sniffs at your crotch wondering if a rat that suffered from athlete's foot died in there. It must be horrific. Being that this dude lived through that shit why would you not stick by him. When the dishwasher breaks and you are flipping out because your cunt Aunt Gertrude and her dickhead husband Carl are coming over later for shrimp cocktail and mint julips, your man will calmly bust out a wrench and fix it. Why? Because he has been stuck in a building while twenty people with machine guns and grenades tried to kill him and made it out. Remember that time that Janice from work told Emily that the banana nut bread you brought to the Christmas party was dry and tasteless and you cried in the bathroom for thirty minutes. Well this man has had fucking bombs go off near him. Kind of makes your pathetic little life seem a little smaller doesn't it. Why is that you ask? Because you are about as deep as a puddle of raccoon piss.
This man has seen the worst humanity as to offer which is probably why he still finds you, who probably resemble the crazy mother from Gilbert Grape, attractive enough to spend some time with. You should think god he has PTSD if he does. Your boring ass is just what he wants. You know how much better sitting on a couch on friday night watching whatever stupid "cop drama" you are into now listening to you go on and on about how "you would make a great forensic anthropologist because one time you had to get a dead bird off the porch" is than watching some one you consider a brother get vaporized? Shit, he doesn't mind that you weigh a metric ton because he was stuck in a goat shanty in the middle of the goddamn desert for two weeks fending off hordes of people that wanted to eat his dick with nothing but a few k-rations and a hershey bar to eat. Your large ass is his comfort zone. He knows as long as you are with in 15 feet there is mayo and cool ranch doritos close by.
So ask yourself this: What the fuck is so great about your shit? This dude is a manimal, what the hell are you? So think, next time you get rear-ended by a 98-year-old woman in Macy's parking lot (you just had to hit that president's day sale up for new silverware) and while you flip the fuck out this guy calmly gets out of the car and handles the situation that his "PTSD" really worked out for you.
Unless you wake up in the middle of the night with a combat knife jabbed in your chest because your snoring sounded exactly like the Arabic word for "fire" then my bad. I guess I'll take it back at your funeral. But really, the only person that would miss you would be your stupid poodle so no great loss. I hope that helped. Idiot.
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