My girlfriend thinks it's weird that I don't flirt with other girls like she flirts with other guys....is that strange of me? ...or is she a ho-bag?
First of all I'm guessing that you're in the seventh grade because you used the term "Ho bag". She's not a ho bag, just painfully insecure. Which is good. Insecure people are more easily manipulated. Perhaps you can boost her self esteem with some well placed compliments like "you're just built for comfort, baby" or "you're starting to look like your mother". But nothing wins a womans heart like beating the living shit out of any guy that she talks to. She won't think Johnny is so hot anymore when you cave the side of his face in with brass knuckles.
Ultimately I think that women love the attention they get from flirting, but are usually too naive to realize that this behavior creates stalking and other sort of creepy behavior. Flirting opens up a doorway and gives a man a false impression. Women should be willing to go all the way or nothing at all. Even if you tell a man you've been flirting with innocently, "I have a boyfriend", guys don't care. A wise person told me "just because there's a goalie, doesn't mean you can't score". All men think that they can satisfy you in every way that your lame ass boyfriend can't. I don't know how many times I've heard this from a girl: "well, I let him talk to me and buy me drinks all night. I don't understand why he tried to follow me to my car and looked me up on facebook and now I had to get a restraining order". You're giving mixed signals. All or nothing.
Men have been mistakenly led to believe through romantic comedies that persistence pays off. This is bullshit. Guys, you should turn right around and walk the fuck away at the first sign of disinterest. Flirting and letting you buy them drinks is not necessarily a sign of interest. They are most likely just using your poor ass to feel better about themselves and to have a cheap bar tab. Try this fellas. Ask a woman "would you like me to buy you a drink?" And when she says yes, say "I'm sure you would you gold digging water buffalo". Women love a man with self confidence, and this screams self confidence.
I suggest you lay down an ultimatum, Mr. Ho Bag because women also love ultimatums. Stop acting like a whore or I'm out the door. Say it in a rhyme like that. Women love poetry. Also, I would suggest that you start laying the groundwork for your next girlfriend. Start shopping around because your days in this particular relationship are numbered. If she doesn't think that you hung the moon and only has eyes for you, then you should tell her to eat a bucket of dicks.
Well dick-weed, it sounds like your girlfriend is a ho-bag. Then again octopus-cock, she might just be a knob-gobbler. Or perhaps she is a garbage-pussy-dumpster-whore. Or a labia-labradoodle-strumpet-trumpet. Maybe we should stick with "slut" like grown-ups. Flirting is great fun and can, in certain situations, lead to fellatio so I support it. For single people that is. For those of us in realtionships flirting should be kept at a minimum. Flirting is three drinks away from penetration so it is easy to see how things could get out of hand. Now, the average woman thinks about cock 948,613 times in any given day. That's slightly over 10 times per-second for 24 hours. Obviously it is slightly less when they are sleeping and much greater when taking a shit or looking at a banana (at least that's what grandma always said) but you get the idea. A woman's mind is occupied by 87% dick, 10% shoe shopping, and 3% Sex and the City. Sounds to me like your like your woman is operating in the 95 percentile!!!! Have you tried reminding her that overly flirtatious people often wind up headless and violated in a ditch with DNA running out of every hole in their body? Or that if she did fuck around and cheat on you then no one would ever find her body. Because they wouldn't you know, I'm looking at you. Yes you. Don't look around like you don't know we're having this conversation because we are. I've got 24 cameras hidden in your house, car, and workplace so there is nowhere you can go that I won't know about. Remember how Tuesday night your friend came over and I left the room to get some fritos and you told your friend that you didn't like how our relationship was going and Johnny from work was really nice and cute. "How did you know I said that?" Because I see all and hear all bitch. Don't you ever fucking leave me or I swear to god I will burn you with a blow torch until you love me again. Sorry about that, just a little problem I had to address. You should bring some random girl home one night, bend her over a stack of "barely legal" magazines and wait for your girlfriend to get home. Try to do this when you know she has worked a double or one of her best friends has just died for maximum effect. When she walks in start furiously pumping away (I suggest 120 pumps-per-minute or PPM) and screaming "I took your advice and started flirting more, particularly with this prostitute! You were right flirting is fun! Yayyyyyyyyy flirting!!!" I know that seems like a lot to say but accuracy is key here. Then if she starts crying or screaming at you take the dagger of Sorlac and ram it directly in her fucking heart. Because everyone knows that is the only way to kill an 18th level succubus of Golgarion. Which is obviously what your smegma-eggplant-sauce-jumbo-jambajuice-flavor-frozen-testicle-popsicle-catholisism-magnum-scarlet-creature-woman is. Happy flirting and I'm watching you read this. Don't forget that I'm always watching.
No comments:
Post a Comment